This was an eventual plan of mine, to get in front of a camera and take video, if nothing else, to prove that I do exist as more than just words and still pictures.
Yes, it’s a webcam, and yes, I don’t quite sound as good I expect to, but the reality is, I’ve only been doing this on a semi-regular basis since April 2010, and hey – Everyone had to start somewhere.
Continue reading #78 – Holiday Present 4: Yes, She Does Video Too…
Under the spell of the LBD again – I’ll try to remember the camera either today, or later in the week. I did take some tiny webcam pictures on the new netbook, but I don’t feel they’re worthy enough of being part of Photo #500 on my Flickr right now. Anyway, to clarify, just being dressed up totally changed the way I felt, acted, walked, and so on. I hadn’t felt so good since about eight months ago when I came back early from Monterey, and had the house to myself for a day or two, before having to return to boy-mode for work. (Ah, I still miss work – I need to ramp up my job-seeking efforts. At least this time, I can start anew, go in with restyled eyebrows, smooth, hairless arms, etc., and more or less go in with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” attitude for a while, but that’s another topic for another post – Coming Soon To A Julie Anne Blog Near You! ^_-;)
Anyway – I forget if my writer friend Tom from New York sent this link to me, but it makes me feel good about the enigma this aspect of my life seems to be at times – David Engel as Albin, performing, “I Am What I Am,” the closing song to Act I of La Cage Aux Folles. So many emotions go through me when I hear this song.
I could see myself performing this song someday. In fact, I almost wanted to sing along Monday afternoon, or at least everything short of tossing aside my wig and running off in my 3.5″ heels. ^_^;
Maybe this is a good thing after all – “What do you think, sirs?”
(“Meh…. Push the button, Frank.” **poof!**)
It hasn’t been easy for me, even when I’m not being Julie Anne. Even now, I’m still hesitant to keep in contact with the few friends in the trans community I have met over Flickr. I’m still trying to work on not overthinking and worrying what kind of impression I’ll make on them. I guess that’s part of what keeps me in my own closet. It’s a weakness I acknowledge, and one I know I will have to work on.
For those I have met, I haven’t forgotten about any of you. I will get around to getting back in touch with you. I’m just sorting things out, as always.
In the meantime, here’s a video from Lady Vixion on YouTube, that just seemed to click with me, on the importance of making friends (and face to face contact with same) in the trans community – Enjoy!
(video window rescaled to not break layouts on 1024-pixel width screens, like my old notebook and my new netbook.)
…And now, something that just outright makes me happy, if nothing else, because:
Continue reading #10 – Just A Couple of Quick Videos (Link 2)
This one was sent to me yesterday morning by Gordon, a friend of mine from Flickr. This short entry, one of a series of three from Charlotte, a.k.a. “karmatic1110” on YouTube, really speaks to me, primarily on my fear and apprehension of seeing how far down the rabbit hole I can go, as far as all things Julie Anne are concerned:
I did mention that I’m still somewhat in the closet, and I’ve been out in public about 15 minutes total, not counting two separate outings driving around town (but not getting out of the car), at about an hour total. I still consider myself “Not ready for prime time” as far as voice, mindset, mannerisms, being able to pass, etc., but we’ll talk more about this later, ok?
Ah, Gordon – You do understand me somewhat – Thanks, my friend.