Tag Archives: thoughts

#133 – Fine Tuning, Tuning Out (She posted twice in one day!)

Fine tuning: Behind the scenes tweaks under the hood, so far, all is working, and hopefully will continue working. Security updates, more cool stuff.  (But where is the content, oh, birthday girl?)

The short version: I came out to my younger sister a few months back, and she is accepting and supportive. My two closest friends here in Phoenix pretty much called it. ^_^;
(She gave me one of her Coach purses, and I have a Sephora gift card waiting for me. *beamles*)

Tuning out: Another blog on the sidebar is gone: Jessica-Who.com winked out a few months back. I won’t ask questions, or wonder, but I remember she posted something a while back about when transgender and crossdresser blogs close down, and various reasons why. Now, she’s one of the many who have vanished.
Continue reading #133 – Fine Tuning, Tuning Out (She posted twice in one day!)

#109 – OMG, Julie Can Draw! (OMG, Did She Draw Who I Thought She Drew?)

Happy Birthday, dj bridget!

An original sketch I did for the incredibly talented (but not quite as visible over the internet as she was about a decade earlier) dj bridget, for her birthday this past Thursday.

The toughest part, other than going for a realistic interpretation of one of her photos, was choosing which photo out of hundreds to base the sketch off of.

I stumbled across her Flickr (It’s gone now ;_; ) in June of 2009, and, that was the “tipping point” that made me realize I was lying to myself by continuing to deny an important part of myself… That I am transgender, and twenty-seven years of hiding was essentially only a partial existence, and essentially “living death” for me.

I’ve come out to a few, I’m getting out in public, either with other girls, close friends, or on my own, and I’ve made quite a bit of progress in about 18 months.

But, if things didn’t happen, or I didn’t get curious back in the summer of 2009, I’d probably still be in hiding.

Who knows what my life would be like if I came to my senses a decade earlier.

This is only a small way I know of of saying “thanks” to someone who played a small, yet significant part in my ongoing rebirth. ^_^

#107 – Everytime You Go Away (You Take A Piece Of Me With You)

(#107 in a limited-edition series! Collect them all – Yes, I used a Paul Young song title for the title of this post… Daryl Hall wrote it, Hall and Oates performed it before Paul Young covered it)

This is mirrored from a post I just send out on my Facebook (a public-viewable post) – and is being mirrored to PINKessence as well.

For every person on here who removed their Facebok account, and leaves their circle, I have to ask myself “Was our friendship real?” – “Are we all just easily discardable?”

And yes, I am aware of this saying:
“When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn’t mean they’re bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over.”
Continue reading #107 – Everytime You Go Away (You Take A Piece Of Me With You)

#104 – The (not-so) Short Version of Why Sunday Was A “Dead Julie Anne Day”

(Post 104 in a continuing series – Stay Tuned, recaps will return, but first, this somewhat serious entry.)

1. Totally exhausted from 2 days’ of 5 hours’ sleep on average, as well as two trips to and from the Bay Area (Friday in San Jose, Saturday in Burlingame.)

2. Bummed out from the double-whammy of not going to YaoiCon as myself (in boy-mode this year.), seeing others dressed up in goth/raver/cyber, crossplay, or other cute attire — As well as finding out that YaoiCon is moving to Los Angeles in 2012.

3. Impending need to get new insurance, in the wake of no more COBRA due to no more previous employer (shut down operations at end of September).
Continue reading #104 – The (not-so) Short Version of Why Sunday Was A “Dead Julie Anne Day”

#88 – A Meeting That Wasn’t One… (“Thank You…”)

(This is one of the blog entries I had to get out and post. As promised, there are earlier stories over the last two months that needs to be posted.)

Back in the summer of 2009, there was a young man (the term “young” being a figurative one – Though he continued to age with each passing year, he never really completely grew up.), who, in spite of having a job where he was making enough to just barely pay the bills, provide for his mainstream hobbies, and of course, have friends who shared that common interest, there was a secret he kept hidden from just about everyone who knew him.

As you may have figured out, that young man was me, in the last vestiges of what is rapidly becoming a “past life.”

The young man, in doing some searches via Google, came across a series of photos of a young lady in a schoolgirl outfit. Upon closer inspection of her Flickr photostream, that look was only one of about a hundred different looks, and she had thousands of followers and admirers.

Continue reading #88 – A Meeting That Wasn’t One… (“Thank You…”)

#79 – Random Thoughts And Scenes From My Holiday Family Trip

(This entry was posted to Facebook, and to my blog at PINKessence last night. Even online, I am a “girl on the go” ^_^; )

I’m just going to throw these out without too much of a lead-in, set-up, or anything along those lines. If I try to get elaborate, the core meaning’s going to get lost in a sea of words.

About a week ago, my mom and I set out to visit my sister and her husband, in Phoenix, AZ. We spent about two days driving out, and two days driving back. We had about two and a half days to hang out, exchange gifts, go out to eat, and do some things we liked. (My winning $100 at the horse races at the end of the day was icing on the cake, but that’s not important right now.)

What is important is a series of steps where I’m continually priming the pump for “The Talk,” as in, something along the lines of “Mom… Sis… I have something very important to tell you.”, and probably somewhere in there, “Sis, remember back when I was 14 and you had the idea for me to dress up like a girl for Halloween?” ^_^;

There is the question that maybe, they know, or suspect, but haven’t let on, and they’re just waiting for me to tell them.

Continue reading #79 – Random Thoughts And Scenes From My Holiday Family Trip

#78 – Holiday Present 4: Yes, She Does Video Too…

This was an eventual plan of mine, to get in front of a camera and take video, if nothing else, to prove that I do exist as more than just words and still pictures.

Yes, it’s a webcam, and yes, I don’t quite sound as good I expect to, but the reality is, I’ve only been doing this on a semi-regular basis since April 2010, and hey – Everyone had to start somewhere.

Continue reading #78 – Holiday Present 4: Yes, She Does Video Too…

#73 – One Step Closer To The Truth…

I chimed in a few times to the “Birth Order” blog entry elsewhere on PINKessence, and I’ve heard theories in regards to being born after a miscarriage contributing to making us who we’ve become, or are becoming.

So, earlier tonight, I asked my mother outright, that I felt I was a middle child, since I knew I would have had an older sibling. Technically, I am, and mom regards me as the first born child of two.

However, mother told me, even though it was a tubal miscarriage, wherein my unborn older sibling was only 7-8 weeks old, and the sex wasn’t officially determined (And based off the realization that we all started out female before supposedly receiving the proper hormone wash, in the proper concentration and intervals, that makes most of us male), my sister, who is a bit more spiritually attuned (Perhaps like the real life Allison Dubois, who inspired the “Medium” television series. ^_^; ), felt that I would have had an older sister.

I believe, therefore, my unborn older sister found a way to enter this world — Through me. Perhaps I am who she was supposed to be.

Keep in mind, this is just a theory I have, but it put me a lot more at ease, and seems to explain a lot before me.

I have not asked mother, however, if she was put on DES while she was carrying me. That’s a question I’ll save for another time, perhaps when I’m closer to being ready to tell mom what she probably still knows (That I still dress up as a woman from time to time.), but also why I’m doing it. (Which I’ve never been really able to tell her.)

I have made up my mind earlier today, however – If I end up moving out of California, perhaps in about a year or so, if I can get a job, get my debts paid off, and get a place of my own — I will take steps to get in touch with other TG individuals up there (Why, hello there, Zoe and Sophia! ^_-; ), and also eventually plan to go full-time, at least non-op, if not eventually pre-op.

For now, I’ll remain, as it’s been proposed, and what some people consider themselves as being, “ambigendered.” The boy and the girl are coexisting, and are co-dependent, but someday, the path will be made ready for the girl to take wings and continue the journey started by the boy….

— To be continued, eventually…

#70 – Halloween Is Everyday (or it should be…)

This entry is adapted from two separate blog posts I wrote on PINKEssence last night (I’m on there as “Julie Anne Morgan” ^_^; )

A friend of mine (one of the First Four whom I came out to back in May of this year) posted this blog entry on his Facebook, detailing a mother’s experience with her five-year old boy wanting to dress up as Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween, and her dealing with other parents’ reactions.

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

While reading this, I was both happy and sad — Happy, for knowing that this boy had the full support of his mom for his decision, and sadness, for a missed opportunity from my teenage years.

Continue reading #70 – Halloween Is Everyday (or it should be…)