Tag Archives: fear

#86 – Interlude: Taking That Leap of Faith (Though I Fight My Own Doubts)

Here’s something to break a pattern: This is an entry that’s decidedly not about new pictures, or about my progress on my journey, for that matter.

I am driven to move forward; To prepare myself for being out on my own, to be able to fend for myself, to find someone to (hopefully) spend the rest of my life with, to be able to actually feel that I’m living, and not just taking up space, and accumulating stuff that won’t be of use to me when I’m gone from this world.

The Big Question: How to get from point A to point Z, and, of course, all the steps in between.

Continue reading #86 – Interlude: Taking That Leap of Faith (Though I Fight My Own Doubts)

#39 – A Momentary Lapse Of Reason…

I’m probably going to catch hell for this, but I have to get this off my chest. I’ve struggled with this for about the past 24 hours.

A friend of mine came up with a theory why I manifest as Julie Anne, citing that I was created as a means to give myself an identity independent from my male alter-ego, and therefore independent from my mother, and if I told her about this side of me, I would lose the desire to continue doing this.

Continue reading #39 – A Momentary Lapse Of Reason…

#16 – Catharsis Part I (Was: Consider This A Placeholder)

Nothing much has been going on, not even with friends. (those who know, and those who don’t)

The job search has stalled for now, but I will kickstart it again, along with getting back on track with exercise and portion control for meals. (And counting what I eat.) I guess everyone needs a break at one point or another.

I’ve read some blogs elsewhere, some good, some bad. I’ve given though to why some others stop posting, take down their pictures, or decide that their path takes them out of a less public eye. It’s funny, my journey’s barely started, and I’m already thinking about the end, though it may not be the ending I’m thinking it’s going to be.

I’ll fill this space with something somewhat worthwhile later tonight. I’m going to get out, walk, have a late dinner, get in a showing of The Departed, and continue looking at netbook computers. (I’ll watch The Departed tomorrow, I guess – I’m still tired out from only 5 hours sleep last night. I need a bit more. I’m surprised I’m up typing this.)

(What follows here was original posted, in a slightly different form – over on Flickr – I’ve expanded and rewritten a bit for here. Sit tight, this is going to be a long one.)

Continue reading #16 – Catharsis Part I (Was: Consider This A Placeholder)

#9 – Just A Couple Quick Videos (Link 1)

This one was sent to me yesterday morning by Gordon, a friend of mine from Flickr. This short entry, one of a series of three from Charlotte, a.k.a. “karmatic1110” on YouTube, really speaks to me, primarily on my fear and apprehension of seeing how far down the rabbit hole I can go, as far as all things Julie Anne are concerned:

I did mention that I’m still somewhat in the closet, and I’ve been out in public about 15 minutes total, not counting two separate outings driving around town (but not getting out of the car), at about an hour total. I still consider myself “Not ready for prime time” as far as voice, mindset, mannerisms, being able to pass, etc., but we’ll talk more about this later, ok?

Ah, Gordon – You do understand me somewhat – Thanks, my friend.