I chimed in a few times to the “Birth Order” blog entry elsewhere on PINKessence, and I’ve heard theories in regards to being born after a miscarriage contributing to making us who we’ve become, or are becoming.

So, earlier tonight, I asked my mother outright, that I felt I was a middle child, since I knew I would have had an older sibling. Technically, I am, and mom regards me as the first born child of two.

However, mother told me, even though it was a tubal miscarriage, wherein my unborn older sibling was only 7-8 weeks old, and the sex wasn’t officially determined (And based off the realization that we all started out female before supposedly receiving the proper hormone wash, in the proper concentration and intervals, that makes most of us male), my sister, who is a bit more spiritually attuned (Perhaps like the real life Allison Dubois, who inspired the “Medium” television series. ^_^; ), felt that I would have had an older sister.

I believe, therefore, my unborn older sister found a way to enter this world — Through me. Perhaps I am who she was supposed to be.

Keep in mind, this is just a theory I have, but it put me a lot more at ease, and seems to explain a lot before me.

I have not asked mother, however, if she was put on DES while she was carrying me. That’s a question I’ll save for another time, perhaps when I’m closer to being ready to tell mom what she probably still knows (That I still dress up as a woman from time to time.), but also why I’m doing it. (Which I’ve never been really able to tell her.)

I have made up my mind earlier today, however – If I end up moving out of California, perhaps in about a year or so, if I can get a job, get my debts paid off, and get a place of my own — I will take steps to get in touch with other TG individuals up there (Why, hello there, Zoe and Sophia! ^_-; ), and also eventually plan to go full-time, at least non-op, if not eventually pre-op.

For now, I’ll remain, as it’s been proposed, and what some people consider themselves as being, “ambigendered.” The boy and the girl are coexisting, and are co-dependent, but someday, the path will be made ready for the girl to take wings and continue the journey started by the boy….

— To be continued, eventually…