#73 – One Step Closer To The Truth…

I chimed in a few times to the “Birth Order” blog entry elsewhere on PINKessence, and I’ve heard theories in regards to being born after a miscarriage contributing to making us who we’ve become, or are becoming.

So, earlier tonight, I asked my mother outright, that I felt I was a middle child, since I knew I would have had an older sibling. Technically, I am, and mom regards me as the first born child of two.

However, mother told me, even though it was a tubal miscarriage, wherein my unborn older sibling was only 7-8 weeks old, and the sex wasn’t officially determined (And based off the realization that we all started out female before supposedly receiving the proper hormone wash, in the proper concentration and intervals, that makes most of us male), my sister, who is a bit more spiritually attuned (Perhaps like the real life Allison Dubois, who inspired the “Medium” television series. ^_^; ), felt that I would have had an older sister.

I believe, therefore, my unborn older sister found a way to enter this world — Through me. Perhaps I am who she was supposed to be.

Keep in mind, this is just a theory I have, but it put me a lot more at ease, and seems to explain a lot before me.

I have not asked mother, however, if she was put on DES while she was carrying me. That’s a question I’ll save for another time, perhaps when I’m closer to being ready to tell mom what she probably still knows (That I still dress up as a woman from time to time.), but also why I’m doing it. (Which I’ve never been really able to tell her.)

I have made up my mind earlier today, however – If I end up moving out of California, perhaps in about a year or so, if I can get a job, get my debts paid off, and get a place of my own — I will take steps to get in touch with other TG individuals up there (Why, hello there, Zoe and Sophia! ^_-; ), and also eventually plan to go full-time, at least non-op, if not eventually pre-op.

For now, I’ll remain, as it’s been proposed, and what some people consider themselves as being, “ambigendered.” The boy and the girl are coexisting, and are co-dependent, but someday, the path will be made ready for the girl to take wings and continue the journey started by the boy….

— To be continued, eventually…

#72 – My First TDOR Post

This marks the first year I’ve officially observed Transgender Day Of Remembrance, as I promised myself I’d make it to one event somewhere close to home this year. It’s fitting, because I’m finally coming to terms with the need to express my feminine side, and, well, like it or not, I am part of the “T” in LGBT. It’s a journey that has its perils, if you’re not too careful. Unfortunately, some of us out there have paid a terrible price for simply wanting to live their lives as they wished to do. This is the time to remember those who have been victims of transphobic-related violence and/or hate crimes, but also to remember those of us who are still here are part of a community that’s striving to be thought of as normal, and not deviants, freaks, or fodder for Jerry Springer, or Ticked Off Trannies With Knives, etc.

Anyway, I had an idea, inspired by the Transgender Day Of Remembrance Webcomic Project, to write a fictional story, from the point of view of “What if I were killed because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time?” – Ultimately, I’ve chose to scrap it, but I’ve saved the ending I came up with, for posterity’s sake… I’m ditching it to tell the story of someone I crossed paths with briefly, whom a lot of people in my area of Northern California may have forgotten, but I have not, for he has had some small effect upon me.

Continue reading #72 – My First TDOR Post

#71 – November, And Being More Outgoing…

(Bear with me if this gets into a steam-of-consciousness style – I’m writing this from my Android phone. ^_^; )

So far, this month is shaping up to be moderately busy for me, at least in terms of planning outings where I’m getting dressed up, and going out and meeting others.

Yes, you heard it right – I’m getting out in public more. I still don’t consider myself ready for prime time, but I’m making progress with every successful small step I take.

This most recent Friday night found me in Sacramento’s midtown area, near 20th and K streets. (Sacramento’s main LGBT area – there’s lots of clubs, and a couple of eateries around there.) I met up with Melissa, a member of River City Gems (Sacramento’s crossdresser/transgender support group), for this month’s New Girls’ Night Out, where a girl like her, who’s out in the mainstream, helps out girls like me, who are still a bit shy about getting out in public, by taking them to TG-friendly venues, or even mainstream places, such as shopping at the mall, Sephora, or other places.

The evening started around 7:45 pm, when I arrived at Hamburger Patties, a restaurant and bar in the area. I arrived before Melissa, so, after a one-block walk where I parked my car, I was inside, making myself comfortable at the bar with a diet soda while I was waiting to meet Melissa.

(stay tuned for more on the outing!)

#70 – Halloween Is Everyday (or it should be…)

This entry is adapted from two separate blog posts I wrote on PINKEssence last night (I’m on there as “Julie Anne Morgan” ^_^; )

A friend of mine (one of the First Four whom I came out to back in May of this year) posted this blog entry on his Facebook, detailing a mother’s experience with her five-year old boy wanting to dress up as Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween, and her dealing with other parents’ reactions.

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

While reading this, I was both happy and sad — Happy, for knowing that this boy had the full support of his mom for his decision, and sadness, for a missed opportunity from my teenage years.

Continue reading #70 – Halloween Is Everyday (or it should be…)