#33 – I Think This Song Sums Up How I Felt Most Of Monday Afternoon…

Under the spell of the LBD again – I’ll try to remember the camera either today, or later in the week. I did take some tiny webcam pictures on the new netbook, but I don’t feel they’re worthy enough of being part of Photo #500 on my Flickr right now. Anyway, to clarify, just being dressed up totally changed the way I felt, acted, walked, and so on. I hadn’t felt so good since about eight months ago when I came back early from Monterey, and had the house to myself for a day or two, before having to return to boy-mode for work. (Ah, I still miss work – I need to ramp up my job-seeking efforts. At least this time, I can start anew, go in with restyled eyebrows, smooth, hairless arms, etc., and more or less go in with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” attitude for a while, but that’s another topic for another post – Coming Soon To A Julie Anne Blog Near You! ^_-;)

Anyway – I forget if my writer friend Tom from New York sent this link to me, but it makes me feel good about the enigma this aspect of my life seems to be at times – David Engel as Albin, performing, “I Am What I Am,” the closing song to Act I of La Cage Aux Folles. So many emotions go through me when I hear this song.

I could see myself performing this song someday. In fact, I almost wanted to sing along Monday afternoon, or at least everything short of tossing aside my wig and running off in my 3.5″ heels. ^_^;

Maybe this is a good thing after all – “What do you think, sirs?”

(“Meh…. Push the button, Frank.” **poof!**)

#32 – Monday Afternoon – Girl’s Day In…

I’ve been spending the last couple hours fully dressed up, having some time to myself once again. Allow me to indulge this one adventure in a somewhat “undisclosed location.” ^_^;

I acquired a black jersey racerback maxi-dress over the weekend, and I’m wearing it today, complete with black pantyhose, black 3.5 inch high heels, and my favorite wig, makeup, and jewelry. I’m spending a few hours relaxing, watching afternoon TV (I had a few moments in tears while watching some afternoon talk shows. ^_^;) and generally feeling so relaxed and comfortable.

Continue reading #32 – Monday Afternoon – Girl’s Day In…

#31 – Reaching Out And Making Friends… (Video Link)

It hasn’t been easy for me, even when I’m not being Julie Anne. Even now, I’m still hesitant to keep in contact with the few friends in the trans community I have met over Flickr. I’m still trying to work on not overthinking and worrying what kind of impression I’ll make on them. I guess that’s part of what keeps me in my own closet. It’s a weakness I acknowledge, and one I know I will have to work on.

For those I have met, I haven’t forgotten about any of you. I will get around to getting back in touch with you. I’m just sorting things out, as always.

In the meantime, here’s a video from Lady Vixion on YouTube, that just seemed to click with me, on the importance of making friends (and face to face contact with same) in the trans community – Enjoy!

(video window rescaled to not break layouts on 1024-pixel width screens, like my old notebook and my new netbook.)

#30 – Re-Entry From Low Orbit… (Hope I Don’t Get Burned…)

I can’t explain how I come up with the titles to my posts, either here or elsewhere. Sometimes they make sense with the actual posts. I’m kind of funny like that.

Anyway, a quick note – Today is a good day, for I’ve received my very first non-spam comment here. Every bit of feedback helps me immensely.

If you’re reading this, and you like what you’re reading, but haven’t offered feedback, that’s alright as well. Just the thought that some people are actually paying notice to a place like this will boost my confidence significantly.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to fix on my re-entry vector for touchdown back down here on Planet Earth… ^_^; Long, long ago, back in my grade school days, I wanted to be an astronaut, but that’s another story I’ll tell eventually.

Love and kisses, as always, ^_^;
— Julie Anne

#29 – Collecting My Thoughts, Planning The Next Entry (Or Entries)

I just finished reading through a couple of sites that presented some topics that made me sad, and disillusioned, and again, questioning the road I seem to be travelling.

Diana at Salad Bingo, and Halle at Maintaining the Façade both referenced the writings of a blogger at the Catholic Exchange portal website, where said individual was replying to a Catholic transsexual woman looking for guidance to find her place in the church, only to find a reiteration and statement on the Roman Catholic church’s position on transsexuals in the Catholic church. I’m not even going to dignify Catholic Exchange with a direct link to their article – Go and Google for it if you’re curious.

(For the record, I was born and baptized Catholic, I attended a Catholic high school for three out of my four years in high school, but I was never confirmed, nor have I ever been to confession, and technically, I’m not even worthy of receiving communion. Hearing about this article, along with living with the Catholic church’s stance on gay marriage and birth control, is just another decisive reason for me to walk away from the religion I was baptized into. I do believe in God, and I would like to think I’m more than just God’s “Great Cosmic Joke,” but if I ever want to seek some sort of truth and understanding, or even become part of a church group, like my Mom keeps suggesting to me, it’s not going to happen in Catholicism. I don’t think I can ever return to a church that would wish me dead rather than accept me.)

And then, I read up on a sort of closure to the sad tale of LA Times sports columnist Mike Penner, or as he was known briefly, Christine Daniels, in two articles in LA Weekly. (here and here.) My eyes were watering up by the time I got to the end.

Why the hell is the path so damned difficult and filled with misunderstanding and heartbreak, and other issues that can steer us towards choosing to give up, or die, rather than stand up and fight to make our way to live our lives as we wish to do?

I’ll have more to say about this, after I rest, and collect my thoughts. (And, maybe I’ll try to spread the word about this site – I’d love to hear from actual human beings, rather than the fucking spambots I’ve been dealing with.) Yes – I live, and I think, and I write. On occasion, I’ll post, and not always about makeup, clothes, and all the girly things that I seem to like, and make me happy from time to time. Life isn’t always sugar and rainbows, but then, if it was, then it wouldn’t be life, would it?

Stay tuned, friends…

#28 – Slave To The Call Of The LBD Once Again…

Or, to put it another way – I tripled my LBD collection with the acquisition of two Norma Kamali sleeveless jersey dresses – one knee-length shirred column dress, and one racerback maxi-dress, for $5 each, both on clearance at Wal-Mart, on my way home from spending an evening out in Sacramento, CA (Caught another live “shadowcast” performance of Repo! The Genetic Opera up at the Colonial Theatre in South Sacramento’s Oak Park neighborhood. ^_^; )

Pictures are here…

#25 – A Few More Steps (Or: A Few More Miles…)

Just a few words to say while I wait for my latest photos to upload to Flickr…

After dinner, and a few replies to Bree, a girl I know in Alabama, I was feeling a bit tired after watching “Mad Men” after dinner, so I decided to get some fresh air before it got too late.

At times over the last few months, I have gone out at night dressed up, and drove around the area in my car. It’s sort of progress, though your car is an extension of your home. (Hey, I’m not the only one who’s gone out driving en femme.) – This time, I decided to give myself a little challenge. I wanted to see if I could work the brake and gas pedals while wearing my 3″ heels. After a quick refresher tutorial on walking in heels, (Thanks, YouTube! ^_^; I’m making progress – The keys are to remember: heel-toe, heel-toe, start out slow, don’t keep the knees stiff, don’t make the thighs do the work, chest out and up, stomach in (Work those abs! It helps!) – I’m a bit more confident and less prone to stumbling, but I still need work, and of course, refinement of my walk.) it was out to the car, getting out of the garage, down the street, and off around the city.

Continue reading #25 – A Few More Steps (Or: A Few More Miles…)