Coming Out… On the boy-mode FB

Yes, it’s happened. It had to happen.

And so… This is it.

Content Warning: Gender Identity, Coming Out — You’ve been forewarned. The bell that rings cannot be un-rung once I click “Post.”
 
This isn’t an easy thing to talk about, but it’s the post I’ve been meaning to make on here for ages. It’ll lend some insight as to why I’ve been somewhat dormant on here for the better part of a decade.
 
I expect to lose some friends over this. (Even though I’ve filtered a couple out from this post – We’ll just let things sort themselves out in that regard.) What will be, will be. I don’t have anyone else’s expectations to live up to.
 
So, without any deep explanation or beating around the bush… I am transgender.
I identify as female, or at least genderfluid. It’s a part of my life I’ve been dealing with for nearly four decades.
 
For those who were wondering – Julie Anne Morgan is me, and I am her.
I’m still the same person, I still like most of the same things I always have.
I’ve just been devoting more of my energy there, because switching back and forth between accounts got really old really quick.
(Plus I have multi-factor authentication set up, so that makes it super extra fun. “Was this login you?” YES, that was me, stop hassling me!)
 
My dad knows about this. (I came out to him in the Trauma ER in the hospital in October 2017 after a near-fatal car accident, because I figured I was going to die that week, and I wanted to leave the world with a clear conscience.)
 
My two uncles know about this, one’s not too keen on it, and it’s pretty much “the elephant in the room” with my dad and one other uncle.
 
At least 30 people connected the dots and figured it out, finding my other FB account, and adding to their friends list. (They’re absolutely cool with it)
 
So, about Julie Anne… I figured it was better than “Michelle,” but I haven’t ruled out “Michelle” as an additional middle name. I started out being curious, and dressing up (raiding mom’s clothes) around age 13/14. She caught me several times, and thought I was seriously messed up. I didn’t know what I know now, or even 25 years ago. I grew up with a level of shame that kept me deep in the closet until around age 40.
 
Mom asked me, nearly 40 years ago, if I would be happier being a boy or a girl? At the time, I was dealing with her and dad pulling me out of public high school because of excessive bullying, and paying to have me attend a smaller private high school.
I lied to mom, and told her I wanted to be a boy… And I set in motion a chain of events that led up this moment, and an adventure that continues onward.
 
But, I’d give almost everything to take back that moment in time. I know mom and dad would have done anything to give me a chance at growing up as a woman. At the same time, my life would have been on a different path. I may have not met some of the people I’ve met over the past 40 years, or even experienced some of the things I have.
 
And why “Julie Anne”? — That was the name that was a choice if I had been born female. It suits me well. “Morgan” was because I was in fear of being found out. That fear is fading, but it’s more of a professional name for me.
 
The internet was a gateway that revealed that there was a considerable transgender community out there, on photo sites like Flickr, on Facebook, community sites like URNotAlone and PinkEssence, and eventually YouTube, Facebook, Twitch, and other social media presences out there. I realized that I wasn’t a “freak,” and I wasn’t the only one who felt there was something different about me. It was empowering to see others expressing their true, authentic selves.
 
It became a question of, “If others are out there, what’s keeping me from doing the same?”
 
It’s been over a decade in the making, but I’m out there as Julie Anne. I’ve been out in public as my authentic self since late 2000, I’ve been a part of a crossdressing/transgender support organization/social club up in Sacramento, CA, attending gatherings up until my move to Arizona in 2012. I still keep in touch with several people from the group in Sacramento.
 
Over the past decade, I’ve figured out what works for me (and what doesn’t work) in terms of clothing, footwear, makeup, and hairstyles. I’ve been growing my hair out since early 2015.
I have been out and visible, and continue to do so at any opportunity. It’s like I lived a life in black-and-white, and color came in suddenly.
 
Did mom know? Not entirely, but she suspected, while she was still alive.
(I love you dearly, and still miss you, mother, but long hair doesn’t make you seem unkempt and sloppy. I wish I could have come out to you when you were still alive, but, on some level, you knew. Not coming out to you at age 14, or even later, is still one of the greatest regrets of my life.)
 
I have a girlfriend, whom I came out to at the beginning of our relationship, and she’s absolutely accepting and loving, no matter how I present or identify. ^_^
 
I figured I’d always out myself before anyone else outs me. In this case, it’s a temporary account restriction on the Julie Anne FB. It’s laughable, but it’s unfounded. There’s 500+ friends strong on the other end, and the social and support network has been very, very helpful. I have a superpower that nothing and no one can ever take away from me.
 
The generations after me are the ones who make me happy. I’m glad they’re growing up in a different time, where they don’t necessarily have to hide. They deserve love, friendship, and protection. (From hate, bigotry, and legislation to restrict or erase from existence. Society still needs to be fixed.)
 
This isn’t about me being brave. This is me getting stuff off my chest, and unifying and explaining stuff that has been semi-hidden for years. I know some people will cut me loose, perhaps some people will want to know more, and accept me. I just want to be happy, and not hide anymore.
 
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. I leave it up to you where things go from here.
I am me, my life has value, I have self-worth, I am loved, and I am surviving, no matter what curves life throws at me.
 
And now, let’s see what the tide brings in… Follow your bliss.

Ok, So I Lied…

I’m still on Facebook and Instagram, I didn’t leave. Doesn’t mean I’m still not semi-burned out.

So, I guess we’re stuck with each other. I still wouldn’t mind getting some contacts updated, and having a way to get in touch with people, at least discord, if not texts, or email, or even Signal messenger. Who knows when Facebook will take a flying dump again?

I was online before Facebook, and if Facebook goes away of my space, I’ll still be here, even if they digitize my brain, and cram it into a Raspberry Pi. (3B+, please?)

Facebook Down, Instagram Iffy…

It’s not just me, there’s a possible DDoS (Distributed Denial of Service) attack affecting Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp

Marketwatch link (may be behind paywall)

This is happening one day after a 60 Minutes interview with a former Facebook employee, revealed to be the whistleblower behind revelations of allegations that Facebook placed profits over public safety.

This is a developing story, more here as needed.

Too Hot For FB: 5G, and NIMBYS in Gilbert

(Why too hot for Facebook? More in an upcoming post.)

https://www.abc15.com/news/region-southeast-valley/gilbert/neighbors-concerned-about-5g-cell-tower-in-gilbert

Yeah, it’s been a while, and I’ll eventually fill in the gaps.

But, seriously, the memories of people, mostly in Europe, pulling down 5G cell towers, out of fear and false information that the towers spread COVID-19, are still fresh in mind. I exclaimed out loud, “Oh, God, no… Not this shit again.”

The Story: Verizon is putting up a 5G cellular tower in a residential neighbor in Gilbert, Arizona. (Not too far southeast of Phoenix.) Neighbors are concerned about the effects of the radio-frequency energy given off by the towels upon their health.

Disclaimer: I am a Verizon wireless customer. (Thanks, sis!)

The streetlight-mounted tower is going up, near a family who were caught off-guard, despite the fact that the tower is going up on city property.

The family, and nearby neighbors, are concerned about long-term effects on their health, with one resident stating that:

“It’s a new technology and I don’t think the impacts, long-term impacts, have been studied enough to prove otherwise if it’s healthy or not.”

I’ll be keeping my eyes on this one, I don’t expect any tower-toppling, but a lot of bullshit going on. Or, perhaps they’d love to back to 3G days? I’m on a 4G phone, still, and can’t wait for my next phone with 5G… And perhaps a working headphone jack, or at least my trusted USB-C to phone jack adapter. At least the crack in my screen isn’t a serious one.

Mini-Update (computer stuff)

Components arrived for my 2015-era desktop. (In a gradual state of rejuvenation)

There’s a brand-spanking new Bluetooth 4.0 USB adapter ready to go to replace the 2.0 one I had for years. (One of the last parts I bought from Fry’s Electronics, before they faded away.) Let’s hope it sees my XBox One wireless controller.

The Logitech C920 webcam works, and it’s directly plugged into my USB ports on the back of the computer, because the 13-port USB 2.0 powered hub is being wonky. I have attempted to reseat the connector on the back of the computer, so we’ll see how it goes.

I also have a front panel with two new USB 3.0 ports to replace the ones on the top of my case that I broke. (Because I was stupid and left stuff plugged in… And caught one my feet in a cable… With minor disastrous results.)

Now, I just need to clean out the office, because I’ll.be damned if I broadcast a messy room to the world. I should get a green screen or something for the back of my chair. Wait… I have three cats. Gah. ?

#149 – Do Post Numbers Matter Anymore?

Voice dictating from my phone, because I’m about ready to zonk out for the night. Is the paragraphs look choppy, it’s just because I’m not used to the Android phone client.

It’s been over 2 years, and I’m still alive, and I’m thinking about getting a bit more active as many places as possible, or at least outside of Facebook and Instagram. I’ll see if I can update my links here when I get a moment. It is quite late at night.

Bridget liked my illustration that I based off her photo, I’ll see if I can link to the completed version, either inserting it here, or linking to my deviantART page. She’s dropped off the net again, about four months ago, but I do have faith that one day, she will return once again. She was my inspiration to drag my ass out of the closet, and become more substantial in the real world. I have not looked back since. Better late than never.

Still working, although I have changed jobs after nearly 3 years at my most recent temp job. Think I might be doing gig work for a while, unless I can find something more substantial. Thankfully, the staffing agency I’m with, one of the majors, has a local office where the staff have my back.

Yes, there have been changes to the theme for the site. After the last major PHP updates with my hosting provider, the theme I’ve been using for about the last handful of years broke, and it looks like it’s no longer supported with current versions of PHP and WordPress. I’m going to work on finding a successor theme that I can tweak to make my own style. Don’t ask me about brands. I can barely establish my own brand.

Always, I am mostly active on Facebook, and Instagram. I still have faint presences on Twitter, as well as deviantART, YouTube, and Tumblr, but those are super low output. I’m working on experimenting with streaming on Twitch, and I do follow a few people out there. I am also working on my personal discord, I just need to do a crash course in how to promote and build out my presence. If I can get a few extra bucks, it will greatly help. I’m just a few cents above wage slaving, but still managed to pay the bills in a house. It’s been an adventure for over the past 6 years, and almost dying over 3 years ago.

So, that’s my update. I can’t make any promises, but I’ll be happy to get a few paragraphs up here, even if it’s just linking back to Facebook and/or Instagram. The important thing for me, is achieving consistency.

In closing, a shout out to the love of my life, Lauren, who I am always grateful for seeing something in me that I didn’t even see in myself. Thank you for being you, and for throwing grenades at me once in a while when I get out of line ? — Love mew, and I’m passing out within minutes.

#147 – In Hospital, And Then Rehabilitation…

Admitted to HonorHealth John C. Lincoln Hospital, a Level 1 Trauma center for Phoenix in the HonorHealth network, I spent around nine days there, around half of those days being unconscious, in a series of three operations.

My sister was there early on, my father arrived from California about a day afterward, and stayed through most of the first few days. I came to around October 5th or so, and came out to my father as julie Anne. I was determine to let Dad know, just in case I didn’t make it out of the Trauma ICU. Fortunately, my body wasn’t ready to give up that easily, though I was in a tremendous amount of pain, and Dad took my coming out better than I thought and feared.

Continue reading #147 – In Hospital, And Then Rehabilitation…

Just Your Average Tour-De-Force Renaissance Geek Girl ^_-;